I tried so hard to be a part of their world

It makes me sad to think how bad I wanted it. What's worse, the reason I never had it was because my mother was so overprotective when I was growing up, which made me lash out more. What's more is I was desperate for a place in their world that I did everything I could think of. The trick was to try without looking like you're trying. The trick is to pretend you don't give a damn about anything. I couldn't do that. I tried so hard and gave it everything I had and at the end of the day I still fell short of the effortless, obscure world they had created. Their little sphere was never meant for me. I was just the outsider that was given a chance and failed.
I'll still accomplish more than them in life. In the long run, I'll probably be happier than they can fathom. But I'll still have never been a part of what they had. The comradery and the wanting. They're all desired by eachother. Their friendships, fake or real as they may be, are still there and still available to them when need be. How irritating.
To this day I still don't have a tight-knit group of friends. I attribute a lof of it to how difficult women are to befriend. Seriously. If I hadn't been ballsy enough to talk to Baily and SERIOUSLY put myself out there I wouldn't even have her. And thank god I have her or else I'd be so alone.
I have Anthony but he's my boyfriend. Not that that's a small feat, having anthony has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. It's just he's not a casual best friend forever sort of relationship. It's complicated but I know what I mean and really, that's all that matters.