what a nut-case

I have really bad anxiety, ask anyone who knows me.
I'm a neurotic mess. Seriously.

Not all the time, just about certain things. I would like to think I'm not a complete nut-job.

I am a mother-hen. Anthony likes to call me an old lady. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable and a little sad, I am really trying to be more... youthful. I mean, I'm only 19.

I can't help it though. I have to make sure the ones I love are safe, whether it be in the short-term with sunscreen or in the long-term with their credit score.

I worry about everything, and I plan out everything. I have legitimately gotten better at that though, I don't plan EVERYTHING anymore. I don't plan anything in regard to Anthony and I anymore, I just hope for the best. haha.

I do plan everything else though... I know how I'm going to pay for utilities, toiletries and extras come this semester. I know what classes I'm going to take... for the next 3 years. I am looking into graduate schools. I'm looking at places that will pay for my graduate school, which means I'm looking at places I would be okay with settling down in which means I'm already looking at how the area is and the school districts there and the crime rate and if there are parks. I mean, I look at every little detail. It all spider-webs out for me.

I think this is why I have anxiety.

I'm trying to live in the moment though. What I do now, as long as it's not going to affect me in the long-run, I do without overanalyzing. At least, I try.

I feel like i have hidden motives that I'm not even aware of.

I don't mind though because I know 5 years from now I'm going to be where I want with who I want doing what I want. I'm going to be so happy.