catching up continued

Okay, so I also have a job for this school year at the women's center in town. I had to jump through many a hoop for this job. i even got Dr. Surmacz to write me a letter of reccomendation for me! I mean, i really worked my ass off for this job. It's a desk job doing clerical work - my dream come true. That's not sarcasm either, i love clerical work. Yes i am a bonifide loser.

Anywho, the Women's Center is only open till 5, my last class ends at two, they're closed on weekends and they go through the work-study program.
Ruby Tuesday's shifts start at 4, go till 10ish and I would be getting a legit paycheck and tips. Ultimately making more money as well.
Downside is Ruby's is a commute. Baily agreed to let me borrow her car whenever and Anth said he'd help me out if ever i needed it.
Women's Center is about a block away from the apartment... perfectly fine walking distance.

Aye, so there is my issue. I obviously prefer Ruby's, but I can't rely on my friends like this for a ride to work and I went through so much to get the job at the women's center. I'll just have to play it by ear i suppose.

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Anth and I are doing great. I know i didn't write about it and that's weird for me. My relationships tend to be my life. Our six month came and went, as did his 20th birthday, hence the picture >>>
We're going to the beach with his family for the next week. Very exciting. Ocean city and we're staying in some flat his family rents every year. Sadly, anth and my bedroom comes with two twin beds... i absolutely HATE twin beds... but then again, anth said we can just push them together and sleep together anyway. It's just not the same as a double or a queen... Mike and miriah, anth's brother and his fiance are staying in a room with two queen size beds. i mean really now? haha. But they definitely have rights. I'm lucky they're taking me with them, it's going to be a lot of fun.
From what anth has told me, it's the beach all day, really good food at night and he and i every other moment. :D

Anth and I are getting serious. It's weird though, loving him just gets easier and easier.
In past relationships, it was a rush for the first 3 months (and that's pushing it), then it just dies off. I get bored, we break up and I find someone new. It sounds terrible, but that's how it's been.
The 4th of July was our 7 month!
Anth is my first long-term relationship and if you really want to talk technical, my first real relationship. I'm in the real world now, balancing everything for myself away from my parents. It's new and extremely hard.
But it's never boring. I just keep falling. It may sound cliche, but it's almost as if every day i love him more.

I have a complex about love. In the past, like with Dan, I said 'I love you' for the first time because he dropped it on me unexpectedly after a very short while. We were only together for 4, almost 5 months. Well then I kept saying 'I love you' in the hopes that it would stick. Like maybe if i said it enough times I would feel it, but i never did.
Now i'm just so paranoid that what i'm feeling now for anthony, this strange, elongated, constantly growing and deepening love is all in my head. Pseudo-love. But the more i think about it and the more i break it down, the more i realize what this really is. I love him. He has filled a void that I've had for a long time.

The best thing about anthony is that he's nothing like anyone i've ever dated. He pisses me off so bad! He's not perfect. He doesn't worship the ground i walk on like every other guy i have EVER dated. H'es arrogant and vindictive and a fairly legitimate ass hole at times.
But I love him and i love him all the more because of these faults. That's how i know this is the real deal. This is everything I want and everything I need. I love who i am when i'm with him and who i have become because of him. God I can't believe this feeling.
He could actually be the one. I think i'm terrified.

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So Michael Jackson died. I just thought I should mention this. I want a record of where I was. It was June 28th sometime in the early evening and Anthony and I had gone to dinner at Rosemary's. It was our first day back from our 3 day camping trip and we were desperate for real food. I looked over at the bar and they had the tv's on and it said 'Michael Jackson has died' and I didn't believe it at first because i am near-sighted and thought i might be misreading it so i asked anth to read it and the fine print beneath it. When anthony confirmed it I then asked the waitress if she had heard anything about it. Heart attack.